Children love to post letters, exaggerating, and bragging about all the good things they’ve done the whole year, to Santa so that they could get presents on Christmas Eve. I can’t be happier to know that real Santa doesn’t exist, otherwise, he himself would have come to visit and grant me an award of pity as in how much mistakes I commit, maybe every other moment? Mistakes are a proof that you are trying, yet we naturally stop trying and experimenting with life when mistakes start turning into a bubbly cauldron of guilt; a soup of tangled thoughts, messed up experiences, nihilism, sense of uselessness, self-hate, aggression and unlimited negativity. This is when we start becoming self-conscious and stop making the best out of our lives. Our life shifts from spontaneity to deliberacy where we calculate the consequences before making every move, depriving ourselves of life’s natural tendency to amaze us with surprises. Funniest part? No matter how delicately we try to deal with this life, we can never prevent ourselves from falling into the deepest pits of never-ending mistakes, in this life at least, there is no safe haven, no refuge, but a never-ending war of total uncertainty.
This feeling is like being stuck in a limbo; unable to get out and be free until a stranger summons you back. You are completely lost and shattered, tired, and drained; both physically and mentally. You are on the verge of a breakdown and eventually, there comes a time when you don’t mind staring silently at a wall while surrounded by a flock of people to talk to. Guilt is like a termite, we can’t know its there until it has completely eaten us from the inside. Guilt is a feeling, that is not inborn, rather induced into us by our society, particularly the people around us. A lot of incidents tend to change our lives once and for all, proving to be the turning point on the bumpy road of our never-ending journey of life. These turning points shape up our minds, our thoughts.
Sometimes, its the decisions that we make for ourselves, while most of the times, our fate designs the path that we have to lead, just like in every video game, where you are given a map of their choice, and certainly not yours. Whining like a babe, or slaying like a night in the shiny armor, we all have to keep moving on the path that we are destined to embark on. Guilt however, is the heaviest resistance that not just stops us from moving forward, but also blinds us towards the future prospects, completely. We all are the monsters here, aren’t we? We all do terrible things, things that are the product of our secret desires, our dark sides, and our extreme vulnerability. Guilt, however strong can be defeated if one truly understands the mechanism of life. One who might be the guardian angel for one could be the brutal villain for another. Whatever we do, we reckon it as the most righteous decision to make in that instance. We are humans, lead by the spontaneous instincts, driven by madness, and instilled in our blood is the heat that fuels from err and sins.
Guilt is as useless as throwing the coins in the wishing well and hoping that by doing so all your wishes would come true. If that must be the case, I wouldn’t be sitting here, writing this, rather printing my new sequel in my own publishing house. We are free to decide for ourselves, to acquire or get rid of things and people who we can no longer tend to, dedicate ourselves to, we are free to decide for ourselves if we can or cannot fulfill a duty anymore or not, yet facing the reality with courage and refusing with grace is better than back-stabbing and deceiving the pure hearts. We are strong enough to comprehend that what is gone, cannot be repaired, however what is yet to come is what we should earnestly beseech. Being the humans, we are vulnerable and bound to make mistakes as long as we are breathing. Mistakes have a history as ancient as the history of human-kind itself. To balance that out, however, trying to be a better version of yourself with every passing moment shall be the only purpose of our existence, and guilt on the other hand, shall be taken off our numb shoulders now and dumped down into the wishing well, Tip: Don’t forget to hear the water splash, just to be sure that all your guilt is gone down for the good.
Be happy, live to your fullest and wish well for others, always. Carpediem! As life is too short for keeping the ugly grudges and plotting against others. Breathe, and let it go like it never existed in the first place. Mend yourself, and let others heal, as well.