Charles Bukowski:

“I’ve never been lonely. I’ve been in a room — I’ve felt suicidal. I’ve been depressed. I’ve felt awful — awful beyond all — but I never felt that one other person could enter that room and cure what was bothering me…or that any number of people could enter that room. In other words, loneliness is something I’ve never been bothered with because I’ve always had this terrible itch for solitude. It’s being at a party, or at a stadium full of people cheering for something, that I might feel loneliness. I’ll quote Ibsen, “The strongest men are the most alone.” I’ve never thought, “Well, some beautiful blonde will come in here and give me a fuck-job, rub my balls, and I’ll feel good.” No, that won’t help. You know the typical crowd, “Wow, it’s Friday night, what are you going to do? Just sit there?” Well, yeah. Because there’s nothing out there. It’s stupidity. Stupid people mingling with stupid people. Let them stupidify themselves. I’ve never been bothered with the need to rush out into the night. I hid in bars, because I didn’t want to hide in factories. That’s all. Sorry for all the millions, but I’ve never been lonely. I like myself. I’m the best form of entertainment I have. Let’s drink more wine!”
― Charles Bukowski

Blank Spaces.

Have you ever looked up in the sky, all plain and blue and wondered how overwhelmingly enormous the cosmos is? We, humans, are inherently wild, yet enormity somehow has a terrifying effect on our natural instincts. One can meet a million people throughout the day, yet upon recalling how many people one actually knows could be overwhelming. 

A blank white canvas, standing errect in an artist’s studio would be the crispest sight for many, yet the artist would feel a strange heaviness in his stomach within the time-frame of grabbing the paintbrush till the first stroke of the paintbrush brings color to the blank canvas that merely reflected uncertainty and dubeity. As soon as the paintbrush starts gliding over the canvas, it works wonders, maybe with the mystical music playing in the background. We all admit that a blank sheet must have given us adrenaline rush or maybe a panic attack right before we finally start writing on it, even if it is just the margin lines that we are drawing and well ofcourse, we know that our knowledge is not only restricted to drawing straight margins. Similarly, a blank page would give a temporary writer’s block to the writer until he presses the first letter to type a random word to start with. 

“Blank spaces overwhelm us because internally, we all fear that our indecisiveness could lead us to making the wrong decisions in life.”

This state of indecisiveness just before you finally take a leap of faith, is melancholic, and absolutely natural. However, some of us let this feeling dominate our minds and eventually withdraw. When I finally sat down tonight to write something after ages, I also got this feeling of indecisiveness which made me type-backspace-type many titles and paragraphs, till I was finally able to compose something sensible. I have been practising this for a whole month now, but everytime I open up the blank page on my screen, the duebity makes me close the blog tab, open up Netflix and resume my favorite show.

The point is, we all face this in many aspects of life, however, it is important to know that life is all about chances. Life doesn’t come with a guidebook, even the same experiences can bear different outcomes twice. In order to survive, strive, and most importantly succeed, we need to take the chances that life throws at us. A painter might fear that the painting could turn out to be a complete mess and the people might not like it, yet he takes the chance with the first stroke. Similarly, a writer might wonder that he needs to get some sober ideas before composing the final product, however, he takes the chance and starts penning down the spontaneous overflow of raw emotions.

Most of us fear to take the chances because we fear the change, however, its important to know that change is important, in fact, essential. Most of us for instance, are keeping up with the lovers that we know we have no future with, yet we don’t want anything to go wrong and which is why we hope that everything remains stagnant, thus buying us a little more time. However, it’s very obvious that if a person cannot grow with you, evolve with you and love you in the times of deviating circumstances, it doesn’t mean that he/she is a bad person in general, but the fact that needs to be considered is that person is just not the right option and you need to find someone who is compatible and comfortable with your evolution.

“We all have our own criteria and intensity of evolution which needs to match the people we surround ourselves with.”

Losing people also leaves a blank space in our lives and thus we feel this feeling of loneliness and yearning to fill that space and until and unless someone, that I would rather call a natural alternative dont fill that blank space, you will keep searching for an alternative be it another person, a new hobby, therapeutic shenanigans or maybe drugs as seen in many cases. However, we somehow try to fill that blank space that people tend to leave behind them after they walk out of your life, but then again, coming and going of people is normal and life only comes at a stable pace, once you find the right person who can cope up with your evolution, with an emphasis on ‘stable pace’ because even then, life never stops, it never stagnates. We need to learn to blend in and swim with the flow, because flexibility is the key to a healthy life.

“Trying to confine people’s behaviors according to your desires and dictating them how to feel just because you think that is right is baseless and extremely toxic.”

Evolution is essential and no matter how we resist, we all evolve with the passage of time. I, for instance, is not the person I was yesterday, or even an hour ago. We all change with every passing second, our emotions, psychological perceptions, beliefs, experiences, mental capacity, nature, and thoughts keep revamping and that is how the human mechanism works, which is totally normal and resisting against which leads us to baseless insecurities, illogical doubts, immoral revenge, and useless anxiety. The more you normalize your life, the better it is for you, because the world is already full of drama so why not treat our mind with peace and self-sincerity?